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| Time: | 10:38 pm. |
| Mood: |  loved. | | Music: | deftones - hexagram. |
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in the beginning there was the greatest love that anyone had ever known, a love so great that it could defeat anything. in the beginning there was a boy and a girl that thought that they would never love anyone ever again for as long as they lived. in their minds there was only them. they would kiss and everything else dissappeared. they made love and all else fell away. without eachother there was nothing, nothing to live for. in the beginning there was love growing inside her womb. all else had failed her, he was gone and she thought she had nothing. she thought that she would never love another and that no one would ever look at her the same. she was used. she was nothing. but in the beginning there was the sweet sweet girl still growing despite all else. she was still there, grasping to her mothers life and soon would be begging to be born. this girl did not care what else had happened, she did not care if her lifeline was used and broken. she did not care about any of that. in the beginning there was the greatest love that anyone had ever know, a love so great that i could defeat anything. in the beginning there was a mother and her child and that is what true love really is.
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Read 3 or //♥scream your heart out♥// |
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Saturday, January 14th, 2006
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the cherade is over,
the curtain is shut
and the actress sits alone
and cries off all her makeup.
no one even knew.
everything is for nothing.
and nothing is real.
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Read 1 or //♥scream your heart out♥// |
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Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
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| Time: | 2:54 pm. |
| Mood: |  exhausted. |
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this new year started out so wrong and i already don't like 2006. no new years kiss, no boyfriend to be found until hours later, no happy countdown, no smiling face except all those around me. would rather have been with old friend on new years but instead was with ones that i hardly know and that hardly know me. too many tears have been cried in the days since new years and the night of. being moved out of my house and into my parents. i will sleep alone once again. only my growing belly to comfort me. i'm losing everything, even my mind i suppose. everything seems to be crashing around me. i thought things couldn't get any worse... they can.
ps. after tonight i will never have the chance to sleep with you ever again, so just hold onto me with all that you have because i'm afraid that when i wake, it will all be over.
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Read 2 or //♥scream your heart out♥// |
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Sunday, November 13th, 2005
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oh, god, no! please don't tell her what i've done, i can hardly look at her, everything i love i hurt!! oh, god, yes! she is love she is sex, but i used her for the game, escape goats you can't really blame... full of hate song, it isn't really helping anyone! this sinner sarinade..... this hate song
i love that song and the lyrics are amazing. for some reason when i woke up it was in my head.
i have a dr. appt tomorrow in the morning, i'm not really sure what it is for but i know that i have to go and that it is pretty important. i'll find out the sex of my baby on the 29th. i was hopeing that i could find out before thanksgiving, but at least i'll find out before christmas. it will just be an early christmas present to myself.
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Read 1 or //♥scream your heart out♥// |
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Friday, October 14th, 2005
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this is supposed to be a happy and stress free time for me but this is th most stressful time that i have ever felt before. i feel like shit, i'm sick and fat and i can't stop crying. everyone tells me that this is normal and that you are supposed to feel this way but i have never felt so gross in my life. being pregnant really sucks. i know that the end result will totally be with it, but right now i feel DISGUSTING!!!! i'm puke-y and bloated and gassy and FAT FAT FAT!!!! i have gained 10 pounds already. i hope all this is over soon and that i can just be happy and pregnant. i'll stop bitching now.
oh yeah and congrats to mary who is also going to have a baby! now she can feel fat and gassy with me! woo hoo!!
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Read 2 or //♥scream your heart out♥// |
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Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
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Monday, September 19th, 2005
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| Time: | 12:24 pm. |
| Mood: |  mixed. | | Music: | fear before the march of flames - odd how people shake!!. |
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The angels hair is tangled between my finger tips
On sudden shame I pulled her body to the floor
She sang a throat song chorus of "I love you"
She sang a throat chorus
You look so clean but your dressed to fit this scene
innocence??? Innocence???
(my mouth peels back in laughter)
You are a virgin, you are a taken liar
The angels hair is hanging on to stretched and fraying skin
In quiet defeat I dragged her body to my bed
She hums a throat song chorus of "I love you"
She spits up verse s but the words get lost in exhaustion
You look so pretty with my skin touching yours
You've only got eyes for me now. You've only got time for me now.
You've only got eyes for me now and you know how blind I am without you
The angels hair is cutting lines across her cheeks
With all my strength I make her love me
She tastes like summer and smells like romance
She breathes no throat song chorus but I move her lips to form the words "I love you"
I taste her lips and I know she loves me
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Read 1 or //♥scream your heart out♥// |
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Monday, September 12th, 2005
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| Time: | 3:49 pm. |
| Mood: |  sleepy. | | Music: | straylight run. |
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he blows my mind every second of every day. i look at him and i can't help but feel this overwhelming sence of satisfaction. that even if my life sucks and i have no home, he makes up for it just by holding my hand and kissing my neck. he is beauty. nothing even compares to him. how can i be enough? i try so hard to give my all, but i feel that is not enough.
this morning at 5 ricky took me to work after i stayed the night at his house, we sat outside and froze for a little while while we smoked our ciggarettes. coffee in the morning is amazing. we have been spending so much time together that we started to finish eachother's sentences. i just can't believe that this boy is real, i'm so afraid that i'm going to wake up and have this all be just one big dream. we move into a house in about a week. i can't wait till i can sleep in his arms all night, everynight. just thinking of that is strangly comforting. i told myself that i wouldn't get this way so soon after my last 2 failed attempts at relationships, but i really just can't help myself. he is the ultimate!!
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//♥scream your heart out♥// |
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Sunday, September 11th, 2005
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| Time: | 6:32 pm. |
| Mood: |  translucent. | | Music: | deftones -. |
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i can't help but think that you planned all this out. i think back on the days where we just were... the days where anything went and the sky was the limit. we layed all day and night and that was enough. why can't that be enough anymore? i can't help but think that one of these days i may feel regret. not for losing or winning, but just for playing the game. the game of who knows who best. oh, oh, the sweet tase of defeat. i always lose... my mind that is. i can never keep things straight in terms of time. what happened when and whose fault it was that time. i want to sit back and replay it all over in my head from start to finish but the video seems to over lap too much. i can't help but think that i'm right about you with your smug grin and "lost in translation" eyes. with your words that seem always to fall on my deaf ears. i could never hear what you were saying. moving lips but nothing ever came out. or maybe i just wasn't listening. probably the case. fold my heart up into tiny pieces and tear it apart this is the last time you will ever hold it in your hand.
infinit
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Read 2 or //♥scream your heart out♥// |
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Saturday, September 10th, 2005
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Friday, September 2nd, 2005
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| Time: | 1:24 pm. |
| Mood: |  aggravated. | | Music: | sailboats - 2. |
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falling so fast that i know my heart is already breaking.
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//♥scream your heart out♥// |
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i held on so tight that your razorblade fingers cut into me. you told me to let go and i fell from the top floor. plummiting towards the ground i dropped till hands reached out and caught me. wash your mouth i don't know where it's been. you kissed me so hard that i felt sick. your nudity imbarasses me. on top of the covers you cover your eyes. you poured out your heart while i poured out my soul. scrap that, crumble it up and throw it away, start from scratch. you tell your story onto my skin. from head to toe i'm covered. what is this smell? no more of your emotional bullshit, that's not what i signed up for. catch yourself, not me this time. i'm not the one that needs saving. fuck you and your mark bearing scars, your name is writtin on my wrist. i'll cut you out from the inside. up and down till i can't see you anymore. erasing your smell from my flesh. i'll cut your eyes out and put them on a silver platter and give you some space to breath because even now i don't sleep alone.
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//♥scream your heart out♥// |
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fold_and_tear's journal
ecstatic.
fantastic.
dirty.